Yes, I truly am obsessed.

Just wanted to tell you guys that from now on, I'm not going to be able to speak of anything else than meeting the boys of Panic At The Disco.

Yes, I met them. Yes, i hugged Spencer. Yes, i talked to Jon. Yes, Ryan smiled at me. Yes, i was at the concert. Yes, i waited 10 hours in line. Yes, it was raining. Yes, it was freezing. Yes, it was worth it.


Yes, i truly am obsessed. Sue me.

The best part of believe is the lie.

When the light blue eyes met the sun, it felt like you couldn't run. There's a pain that stings way down deep, reminding you of the one you couldn't keep.

I still let my self believe, it's how it's meant to be. But the best part of believe is the lie, and now it's time to let it die. I wonder if it'd ever last, my heart is beating way to fast.

I've been jumping from the top of buildings, for the thrill of the fall. Ignoring sound advice, any thought of consequence.

I got my stiches stiched, i got my fixes fixed, and in my aching head, i got my kisses slit. My gossip lips stuttered every word you said. I am indifferent yet, I am a total wreck. True romance is dead, I saw it in the chest and in the head.

Big salty tears, you saw them as you drove past my house tonight. I'm at the age where I realize, nothing actually. The liquor store won't bring you back, and I'm starting to feel free.

The best part of believe is the lie, I can't believe I wanted to die.

Look what I've got.

Cold night at the moon.

Sprawled out on a couch, staring at the broken sky. Wondering why he told that lie. There's a tension in the room, a cold night at the moon. Her mind travel far away, whispering words he'd never say, didn't want it to end this way.

We're still so young and desperate for attention. Broken hearts are not worth to mention.

Valentine.

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season
"Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands... and breathe.

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand
and breathe, just breathe...

It's valentines. Better than last year, yet not how I want it to be.

Do it in the garden with Mike Carden.

1. Who is your favorite Panic! At the Disco member?
BRENT. haha, only not really.

2. If you could choose who Panic! goes on tour with, who would you pick?
Only one? ... Fall Out Boy. But they've already done that. So.. All Time Low.

3. Ryden or Joncer?
Both, please?

4. What is your favorite Ryden video on youtube?
Holding hands, cuz it makes me squeeeeeeee and aaaaaaw.

5. Do you like Hayley from Paramore's mustard and ketchup hair?
Yes, indeed.

6. How much would you pay Keltie to GTFO?
Pretty much everything I own, and a little more.

7. Would you throw a bottle at Panic!?
Only if they would throw it back at me, with a message for me inside =)

8. Pete Wentz, Gabe Saporta, or Shaant?
Though one. Peetard, probably.

9. Hayley/Josh or Hayley/Shaant?
Hay/Jo ftw.

10. Have you seen Pete's p33n pictures?
Desktop background, just sayin'


Brendon--

1. Favorite Brendon pairing?
Ryden.

2. Brendon is cuter than Hayley, y/y?
DEFINITELY.

3. What are your feelings about Audrey Kitching?
Whore. Bitch. Slut. Grosssssss. Pink. Greasy. Fucktard. DIAF.

4. What is your favorite body part on Brendon?
Shawty's got da apple bottom jeaaans, boots wit da fuuur. Apple bottom *drool*.

5. Bden or Ryho?
Both. At the same time, yes?

6. Do you think there should be more Ryden pictures?
WHAT THE FUCK. STUPIDEST Q EVER... yes.

7. Do you think Brendon's pants are too tight?
I think he should take them off... But no, definitely not. Preferably tighter, if its even possible.

8. If Bden and Hayley dated what would you say?
Miseru business. Rather Hayley than Audrey.. But still. Ryan ftw.

9. What would you get Kevin Jonas for his birthday and why?
Kevin Jonas would get a dead Miley Cyrus. And then they would all live happily ever after. Along with the rest of the world.

10. Did you see the picture of Bden's hands down his pants?
Yes. Not only the pic *wink*.


Ryan--

1. Rose vest or cowboy?
RETURN OF THE ROSEVEST, PLEASE?

2. Do you think Ryan should STFU during concerts and let Brendon sing?
No, cuz his voice is... o.O hott.

3. Do you like Keltie?
No, she's a whore.

4. Would you jump out of a box wearing a whore outfit for Ryan?
Yes. If we were alone.

5. Would you go on your knees for Ryan?
Been there, done that.

6. Does Ryan have the funniest voice you have ever heard?
No. But he have the sexiest voice i've ever heard.

7. What is your favorite make-up choice on Ryan?
The birds.

8. Ryan's singing voice or Chizzy's roller coaster teefs?
Ryan's voice.

9. Do you like to dance to MCR?
Yes, I do.

10. Ryan needs to cut his hair?
No, he needs to let it grow back the way it used to be.

11. Do you know who Guy Ripley is?
Yes. Delicious.

12. Is Ryan super?
HELL YES.


Spencer--

1. Do you support Spencilliam?
Joncer, all the way. You could throw in a little Spencedon as well.

2. Would you blow up a lawn mower with Spencer?
HAHA, sure.

3. Spencer or Butcher?
SPENCER o.O

4. Spencer needs to write blog entries?
VLOG. 'nuff said.

5. Spencer needs more recognition in Panic?
Hell yesssss.

6. Spencer should sing?
ABSO - FUCKING - LUTELY.

7. Would you marry Spencer?
DUDE, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT IM DREAMING?

8. Spencer or Patrick?
Spencer.

9. Spencer is adorable?
To da booooone.

10. Spencer is next to be corrupted by Pete?
If he haven't already.

11. Spencer needs to shave?
Maybe just a little...


Jon--

1. Would you go clubbin with Jon?
Anytime.

2. Do you support Pete/Jon or Gabe/Jon?
Umm.. Gabe's too tall. So it'll be Pete/Jon.

3. Would you be BFFs with Jon?
I AM.

4. Jon has a cat named Dylan?
Yuup.

5. Jon needs to sing more in concerts?
Yes.

6. Jon needs to post Panic! videos on buzznet?
HELL YES. everyone needs to post more.

7. Episode of TAI TV with Jon in it is the best?
Every single one.

8. Would you do it in the garden with Mike Carden?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. ... yes.

9. You like Jon best when he ______ ?
laughs, probably. WE'RE EATING MOTHERFUCKING FLAPJACKS AT RAGE! ... fuck.

10. Jon or Sisky?
Siskybusiness...? Nope, Jon ftw<3


I HAVE NO LIFE. whatsoever.

Nå er det nok.

En smule bittert vil jeg si at det er... Jeg har forsåvidt ingen spesiell god grunn til å være i dårlig humør, men det virker som om både hjernen og kroppen min har bestemt seg for det. Det var jo sånn jeg visste det kom til å ende, uansett. Men jeg fortsetter å ødelegge for meg selv, lærer tydeligvis aldri. Hvorfor jeg fortsatt vender tilbake til det jeg egentlig ikke har, snur ryggen til sannheten. Straffen for dette er en stadig knytende følelse i magen, en uforutsigbar klump i halsen, en truende hodepine.

Helt ærlig, jeg skulle gjerne ha gjort noe med dette. Problemet er at det ikke er mulig, det er ikke noe jeg kan gjøre. Jo, jeg kan da være en god og støttende venn, men hvorfor? De såret meg begge to.

Det er en ubeskrivelig følelse som hviler under overflaten, den dukker til tide opp for å trekke luft, ellers holder den seg skjult. Få forstår hva det er, hvorfor, men det synes i øynene. Det er forskjell på dem som forstår, og de som ikke gjør det. Det er dem som ikke lenger bryr seg om meg, forteller meg at jeg må videre i livet. Og så er det de sjeldne som ser rett igjennom meg, som ser at jeg går igjennom dette nok en gang.

Et år tilbake. Tror du ikke jeg akkurat var kommet meg over den forrige? Det var morgendagen som presenterte meg for han som skulle på nytt sende meg tilbake i mørket. Og hun som jeg den gang trodde var en av de nærmeste, var kanskje ikke det alikevel. Det blir aldri det samme igjen. Jeg har mistet en. To.

Og nå er det nok.